


Flying to Belong

by silvermoongirl10



Series: Flying [4]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Danny trying to say he's sorry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Feeling of not belonging, Gen, Jamie feeling like he's being pushed out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:50:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoongirl10/pseuds/silvermoongirl10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe hasn’t long been buried and Jamie has graduated Harvard and just started at the Academy. But Jamie isn’t sure where he belongs. Things haven’t been the same between Jamie and Danny since that Easter Break three years ago, and with Jamie’s new career choice will they bury the hatchet or will Danny let his only surviving brother slip away from him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flying to Belong

Jamie was sat on the back porch of his father's house; he had just completed his first week at the Academy and despite not seeing any of his family since the last Sunday dinner he was keeping away from them all. Most of them seemed to think he had joined the Academy out of some sense of duty to Joe, the truth was Joe had already started to help Jamie with his application before he died knowing that his younger brother no longer felt like he could keep up the pretence of loving being a lawyer. Sydney had gone to dinner with her parents and Jamie felt that was for the best having a sinking feeling that today's dinner was not going to go well at all. Out of everyone it only seemed Henry and the kids had realized that Jamie was at the Academy because he wanted to be there, because he wanted to be a cop. It was a shame no one else seemed to see it that way.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when a hand rested on his shoulder; he turned and found himself looking up at Henry.

"Dinner's ready" smiled Henry, seeing Jamie's nod he left his grandson alone for a moment knowing Jamie wanted to prepare himself for having to face the rest of the family. After Jamie's first day at the Academy he had come to the house to talk about his day with Henry, but he left before Frank got home. Henry felt sadness for Jamie because his youngest grandson felt he had disappointed everyone. Henry waited in the kitchen and when Jamie entered he threw Henry a grateful look as they entered the dining room together.

Jamie walked around the table and kept his eyes trained on the ground not wanting to meet the piercing gazes he knew were being directed at him. He slowly lowered himself into his chair and was never more thankful that he was seated between Henry and Nicki, but on the downside it meant Danny was diagonally opposite him, a great place for Danny to send shooting glares his way.

Grace was said and simple talk began, Jamie sat with a lowered head and did not contribute to the conversation. He'd almost made it through the whole dinner that was until Linda noticed how little Jamie was eating and how nervous he looked seated around his own family. While she may not have wanted Jamie to go to the Academy to make sure he stayed safe, she felt bad that she, along with Frank, Erin and Danny, were doing nothing to ease Jamie's troubled mind.

"So how was your first week at the Academy Jamie?" asked Linda, her heart clenched seeing Jamie's surprised look that someone apart from Henry even remotely cared that he was at the Academy.

Jamie shifted his eyes nervously, briefly glancing at everyone around the table, he noticed Erin's frown, Frank's saddened look and Danny's angry look. He latched onto the kids excited faces and Linda's and Henry's interested faces. He relaxed and for the first time that day he smiled.

"It's been great, the instructors are a little intimidating but not that bad. The other cadets are really great too; I've made some good friends."

Linda nodded and smiled, "Well that's good"

Danny snorted, "You're making it sound as if he's had his first week in High School. Not like he's having to learn stuff that's gonna keep him alive out on the streets"

Jamie's smiled slipped off his face and he slumped dejectedly in his chair. Nicki gestured to the boys to leave the table and as Nicki left she squeezed her Uncle's arm comfortingly.

"I know what I'm doing" commented Jamie, silently pleading for his family to understand this is what he really wanted.

"We are just worried Jamie" stated Erin as she turned to look at her brother.

"Yeah kid, seems a bit surprising that you changed your mind about being a Lawyer without giving the job a chance" stated Danny,

"This is what I want" stressed Jamie, looking up at his family for the first time.

"We just want you to be sure about this son" Frank added,

Jamie narrowed his eyes and glared, "You're all acting as if I am a child! I can make my own decisions!"

"I'm not so sure about that" snorted Danny shaking his head. Linda grasped Danny's hand begging him to see what everyone's words were doing to Jamie.

Jamie clenched his hands into fists and gritted his teeth, he felt his anger bubbling to the surface and didn't know if he would be able to hold it in any longer and just wanted to leave. In the four months since he told his family he was going to be a cop he had felt anger at their lack of trying to understand him. He looked sideways at Henry; his grandfather nodded his head telling Jamie he could leave if he really wanted to. He did want to.

Jamie got to his feet and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair ignoring his father's shocked look.

"Where do you think you're going?!" demanded Danny as he glared up at his younger brother.

"I'm leaving as I don't seem to be doing anything else but disappoint you all." Snapped Jamie, he turned so he was looking at everyone, "You all think I'm doing this out of some sort of feelings of duty to my brother. The truth is Joe had already been helping me with my application!"

"He had?" gaped Erin in shock,

"Yes" glared Jamie, he stood straighter with his head held high, "And if you can't accept that I am _finally_ doing something I want, then that's you're problem. Not mine" he then spun around and patted Henry's shoulder in farewell. Then he left the house and headed towards the nearest subway station telling himself that if his family couldn't bother to accept his new career choice then he was just going to give up convincing them it was what he wanted. The old feelings of not belonging surfaced and he pushed them back, knowing that he had a fiancé who had finally accepted him being a cop and he had made some new great friends. He didn't need to deal with his family's words anymore.

* * *

The following Sunday Jamie had called Henry to tell him that he and Sydney were staying at their apartment for dinner. While Henry had said that was fine he couldn't help but be angry at Frank, Erin and Danny for pushing Jamie away. It had been three years since Jamie had come home on Easter break to end up having the worst fight he had ever had with Danny, their relationship had never been the same and Henry hated the distance that had grown between his eldest and youngest grandsons.

During dinner Linda and Henry exchanged saddened looks knowing that the reason Jamie wasn't there was because he felt no one could accept his choice. That afternoon Linda and Henry silently agreed that it was time for them to have words with the others about Jamie.

Once the table had been cleared and the kids out in the backyard Linda and Henry sat next to each other and look across at the others.

"Enough is enough" began Henry,

"What are you talking about Grandpa?" sighed Danny sharing a confused look with Erin.

"You have all been beating Jamie up with your words and it is high time that ended" Henry demanded.

Erin looked down at her hands and then looked back up at Henry, "I'm just worried about him" she admitted.

Henry nodded but still frowned, "I am too. But that does not give you all the right to constantly be on his back for deciding to join the force."

Linda then added, "It is not fair to Jamie, you are making him feel like he isn't worthy of being a part of this family. Ever since he left for Harvard he has found it hard to feel like he belongs. It is about time that we all showed him how lucky we are that he is a part of this family"

Seeing the guilty faces sat across from him, Henry made one more point he knew would have the others seeing the errors of their ways, "What do you think Joe would say to you knowing what you have all been doing to Jamie?"

Danny's eyes widened in shock and remembered how Joe had been constantly worried about Jamie while their brother had been at Harvard. Joe had been worried that Jamie would let his feelings of being pushed out take control and lead him to not coming back to the family.

Linda then landed the final blow, "We all know how dangerous the job is, do you really want to push Jamie away only for something to happen to him and never get the opportunity to say you were sorry?"

Danny locked gazes with Linda and she smiled seeing that her husband was promising to show Jamie that he was needed in the family.

* * *

Danny was sat in his car watching the cadets leave the Academy at the end of the day, his gaze trained on the front doors and finally he saw his brother. He took a moment to watch Jamie and had to chuckle seeing Jamie and his friends messing around pushing each other and trying to leap onto each other's backs. Even from across the street and in his car he could hear the laughter and he easily picked out Jamie's. He then realized that it had been many months since he had heard that sound, he felt the guilt consume him and only made him more determined to patch things up with Jamie before he lost his chance and his brother.

He watched as Jamie waved goodbye to his friends and crossed the street, Danny got out of his car and couldn't help but feel sadness seeing the look on Jamie's face when he saw him. All traces of Jamie's smile and laughter had died, Jamie looked as if he was preparing himself for battle and Danny hated that he had that put that look on his brother's face.

"Hey kid" greeted Danny forcing a smile to try and hid his sadness and guilt.

"Danny" acknowledged Jamie tersely. Danny realized that Jamie had seen through his forced smile and taken it as Danny having to try and be nice, not that Danny was trying to hide his guilt.

"Good day?" asked Danny trying to keep his tone even,

Jamie raised an eyebrow in disbelief, "It was good" he replied shrugging and with no enthusiasm.

Danny frowned, "Only good? Last week you said it was great"

"Last week you didn't want to hear about it" countered Jamie.

Danny rubbed the back of his neck and said softly, "Yeah I'm sorry about that"

"Right" scoffed Jamie,

Danny's frown deepened and not for the first time he wished Joe was still alive, Joe was better at dealing with Jamie. But if Joe was still alive he wouldn't have to be doing this, even if Joe had been helping Jamie with his application the family wouldn't have had such a negative attitude towards Jamie's career change. They would have all been saying 'it's about time'. But Joe wasn't here and Danny knew what Joe would be saying to him now. _Well I'm not there, so man up and talk to Jamie. He needs a brother not someone judging him._

"I am sorry kid, truly" said Danny holding his hands out as if he was talking to a spooked victim, showing he meant them no harm.

Jamie's eyes narrowed, "What did Linda and grandpa say to get you to come here?"

Danny sighed; sometimes the kid was too smart for his own good. Danny knew there was no use in denying that Linda and Henry had said anything to him, Jamie would see through him and Danny knew that it would only make things worse.

"They made me realize what I was doing and then I thought that Joe would be disappointed in all of us for making you feel like you didn't belong" Danny admitted, it was true. When Jamie had been at Harvard and feeling cut off from everyone, Joe would go to Boston as often as he could and when Jamie was home Joe would encourage everyone to include Jamie in everything. Even washing the dishes, Joe made sure Jamie still felt like he still belonged. When everyone else was so caught up in their lives they forgot to include Jamie in anything, they treated Jamie like a guest whenever he came home. They thought it was helping Jamie relax from his workload, when in reality it was pushing Jamie away.

"I guess they spoke to Erin as well" commented Jamie,

Danny nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"Because I had a missed call from her earlier today" said Jamie, "I just assumed it was her on Round 54 of trying to convince me to go back to Law"

Danny looked sadly at Jamie, "We really haven't been very supportive have we?"

Jamie snorted, "You think? It's taken you four months to realize that?" Danny bowed in head in guilt, "Grandpa, Linda and the kids were the only ones to make me feel welcome at the dinner table"

Danny nodded, and then looking at Jamie he asked, "Do you wanna go for a beer? I'd love to hear what's been up with you in the Academy and hear which Instructors you've got"

"Really?" questioned Jamie hesitantly, Danny could see the hope glistening in Jamie's eyes and knew that he hadn't completely pushed his brother away. Not yet, and not _ever_ he had anything to do with it.

Danny smiled and nodded, "Really"

Jamie nodded and then got into the passenger seat tossing his bag onto the back seat. The brothers drove in silence and ended up at a bar Jamie had never been to before. Seeing Jamie's questioning look Danny grinned.

"You're a cadet now, soon to be a sworn Officer of the law. It's time for you, little brother, to start drinking at a cop's bar"

Jamie gaped in shock, "But cadets don't go to cop bars!"

Danny smiled, "When cadets have family members who are cops they do" he started to get out of the car, but seeing Jamie hesitating he patted his brother's shoulder, "hey don't worry you'll be welcome here. Dad brought me here when I was a cadet, and he and I brought Joe when he was a cadet. No one will say you can't be there, they'll likely tease you about being a cadet whose ahead of your time drinking here, but they won't make you leave"

Jamie nodded and got out of the car; he hung back and let Danny lead them into the bar. Danny greeted his fellow cops and signalled to the bartender for two beers; Jamie nervously sat at the bar beside Danny and didn't meet anyone's gaze.

"Here ya go Danny" said the bartender as he placed the beers in front of the brothers.

"Thanks Robbie, hey Robbie you remember my youngest brother Jamie?" greeted Danny.

"Sure I do!" grinned Robbie, "Jeez I hardly recognised you there kid! The last time I saw you, you musta been about ten I think"

Jamie frowned in confusion; he couldn't remember ever seeing the man in front of him before and his name didn't ring a bell either. So he looked to Danny for conformation.

Danny smiled, "You have met Robbie kid, although at the time I would have been calling him Sarge or Perkins. Robbie here was my Training Officer, now he's a retired Captain and running this delightful joint"

"Hey! That better not be a back-handed compliment Danny" warned Robbie good naturedly while pointing his finger at Danny.

Danny laughed, "A complement made in all seriousness Robbie"

As Jamie sat in silence he could picture a younger Robbie in uniform meeting him outside of school. Danny's beat included Jamie's school so Danny would come and wait with Jamie at the end of school until their mother arrived.

Robbie then turned to the younger Reagan and smiled, "Finally decided to find out what a cop's bar is like then kid? Last I heard you were at Harvard studying Law, I suppose you would have graduated by now. I'm guessing the brains Danny didn't inherit were passed onto you"

Jamie laughed as Danny choked on his beer and then glared at his former TO, "That was uncalled for"

Robbie shrugged, "Still true though, there's no way in hell you would have got into Harvard"

"Robbie knows you well Danny" chuckled Jamie,

Robbie grinned at him and patted Jamie's shoulder, "That I do. You're brother here was my last Rookie, I couldn't take any more if all the Rookies were gonna be like him. I swear he turned me grey before my time"

"My mom said that" added Jamie laughing.

While Danny was not amused at being the topic of conversation in a negative light, he was glad to see Jamie having a good time. All nervousness had vanished and Jamie had relaxed, and he was wearing a grin Danny had dearly missed over the past few months. Robbie shared a smile with Danny, he knew his TO had sensed Jamie's nervousness and he was thankful to Robbie for helping put Jamie at ease.

"So how's the Law treating ya little Reagan?" asked Robbie,

Jamie smiled sheepishly, "Well it's not really"

"Come again?" frowned Robbie in confusion,

"I've graduated Harvard, but I'm at the Academy now" replied Jamie smiling,

"No kidding!" grinned Robbie, "Well here's a beer on the house for ya" Robbie then got one for himself and raised the bottle, Jamie and Danny following suit. "Here's to the NYPD's finest". They all clanked their bottles together and then Robbie excused himself to see to some other cops.

After a few moments silence Jamie turned to Danny nervously and opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Danny frowned, "What's the matter kid?"

Jamie paused and then took a deep breath, "You said Linda and grandpa told you that Joe would be disappointed, but they said something else didn't they?"

Danny snorted, "You defiantly are a Reagan kid, you don't miss much at all." He paused and then looked sideways at Jamie, "They said we all know how dangerous the job can be, and did we really want to push you away for something to happen and for us to lose the chance to say we were sorry. And it's the truth kid, it suddenly dawned on me that I could push you away for good and then I could lose you and any chance of us being close at all." He shook his head, "I can't let that happen kid, you're my brother and I can't lose you, either to the job or to me pushing you away."

"You won't Danny" answered Jamie with surety.

Danny looked at his brother and nodded, "So you gonna come to Sunday dinner this week?"

"Depends" commented Jamie, before he took a sip from his beer.

"On?" prompted Danny, worried that he hadn't done enough to convince Jamie that he belonged in the family and that he wasn't going to torment Jamie on his joining the Academy anymore.

"Are we gonna come here more often?" asked Jamie smiling.

Danny shook his head at Jamie's terms for coming to Sunday dinner and then he smiled. "Yeah we can come here again. We can come every week if ya want, on a Friday to celebrate the end of the week?"

Jamie nodded smiling, "Every Friday sounds good to me".

Danny grinned and knew everything would be alright, he knew he and Jamie were going to fight again, they always did. But at least having the job in common now should help keep the peace for longer and help them make up faster. He had finally gotten Jamie to see that no matter what the family said to him, he always belonged with them, and he always would.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I got the timeline of Joe's death and Jamie joining the Academy wrong but it's never really been explained. I'm thinking of doing one more one-shot in this series of Jamie graduating the Academy, we'll see. Thanks for reading!


End file.
